6 | Terminal Cruise

60: In September 1949 the General Materials corporation created the GenMat television network in a campaign to increase sales of their high-end television sets and other electronics. Saturdays at 8 pm, GenMat aired a half-hour program called 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺, pioneering the multi-camera production technique and 35mm film later popularized by 𝘐 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘺. Unlike that sitcom, however, 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 was a drama with neither a live audience nor canned laughter. Each episode provided twenty-three minutes of content, beginning with a one minute thirty second cold open. The title theme, credits, and sponsor billboard followed for one minute. Act I ran eight minutes, followed by a two minute commercial break. Act II ran eight minutes thirty seconds, followed by another two minute break. Act III concluded the episode in five minutes. End credits and the sponsor plug lasted one minute thirty seconds, followed by a half-minute network ID and preview of the next week’s show. Total non-content amounted to seven minutes.
61: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 was followed at 8:30 pm by 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! starring Father Charles Kendall, a neo-Thomist Catholic priest, alongside a well-meaning but frequently errant altar boy known only as “Credo.” Unlike Angel Academy, the program used live television cameras and performed before a studio audience. Only about twenty kinescopes are known to survive. Episodes frequently opened with discussion of the 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 episode that had just aired, with Fr. Kendall often taking pains to correct the liberties the series took with accepted Christian doctrine. More commonly, however, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! concerned itself with reconciling reason and faith, and questions of morality, against the perceived post-modernist onslaught of the Twentieth Century. Though structured largely as a homily attending an on-camera daily Mass for the studio audience, the program was also noted for its humor. 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! proved popular with Catholic and non-Catholic viewers alike, and many converts to the Church cited this program as an influence.
62: The producers of 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 paid tribute to Fr. Kendall by having the show’s characters use “Maranatha!” (Aramaic for “Come, O Lord!”) as a generic interjection or even expletive. Together, 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 and 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! formed an informal Catholic Hour on the GenMat network. In 1954, Pope Pope Pius XII honored Fr. Kendall with the title of monsignor. General Materials served as its own sponsor for 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺, with commercials for products such as the Stargazer television set, which “𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 … 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘥!” This being the 1950s, all of the faculty at Angel Academy (except Raphael, the angel of healing, who knew better) were unapologetic smokers. Gabriela once took a sip from a can of Coke that Dumah, the Angel of Silence, had just used as an ashtray, but Dumah could not (or would not) say anything to warn her. The Dean, Mikaela, smoked Dunhills, believing it lent her a certain 𝘫𝘦 𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘰𝘪, and occasionally lit them from her flaming sword.
63: Much of the comedy stemmed from subverted expectations. Audiences expected a celestial hierarchy of glory and what they got was bureaucratic bumbling where the angels kept stepping on their wings. Mikaela, the dean of the Academy, was a female angel (Kendall didn’t much like that). Some angels were married to each other or to baseline human beings (triggering Kendall to open to the gospel according to St. Luke). Vretiel the Scribe of God taught history, which to angels was identical to theology. Zophiel was a double agent named “William Sloane” planted in a branch of FBI Special Projects called DECON (Domestic Enemies Containment, Observation, and Neutralization) which was created to monitor the anomalous activity in the town where the show was set. Dumah never said a single word, for he was the angel of silence, but his obvious struggle to remain mute and keep a straight face through ridiculous situations was hands down the funniest part of the show.
64: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had mixed feelings about 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺. Enoch, Moses, Elijah, John the Baptizer, “Rocky” Shimon, and James the Just all appeared on the series from time to time as glorified men, which comported well with Latter-day Saint doctrine. The angel Moroni was also depicted as a respected professor of North American indigenous studies. However, Latter-day Saints identified Gabriel with Noah, and while the glass of wine in Gabriela’s hand was scripturally Noahide, many felt the depiction of Gabriel as female was a poor choice. Having her blowing horizontal smoke rings that drifted over people’s heads as “halos” was considered too much by some viewers. Evangelicals of the Jimmy Swaggart stripe were offended that Muslims and Catholics were not automatically categorized with the demons, and that demons themselves were not called demons at all, but rather “the loyal opposition,” or “the Powers of the Air,” and were treated as little more than a rival political party.
65: In the 2000s, the original 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 episodes became available as part of a DVD box set, which also included the 1970s reboot series. The show had returned in 1975 as a one-hour fantasy/drama/sitcom for six-and-a-half seasons on ABC and an aborted half season on NBC. The pilot episode followed a television documentary crew filming at Migdalel College in Havilah when they were abducted by demons seeking to present their side of the story at long last; the crew was subsequently rescued by Academy faculty and students. ABC Network executives (both in-show and in reality) found the footage compelling and requested that the production be developed into a series within the series. The original GenMat-era broadcasts survived on film, but little footage remained widely accessible. For decades the show’s early run in black and white was remembered rather than watched (albeit remembered quite fondly) until remastering for the DVD format enabled a more complete archival release.
66: Margaret Colin anchored the 1975 revival as Eleanor “Ellie” Rothman, the formidable director and editor of the series’ “show within a show.” Ellie was born in Brooklyn in 1939 to a mixed Jewish-Catholic family. Her grandmother was a Yiddish theater actress; her father was a lapsed seminarian turned combat photographer. Ellie inherited a complex relationship with both faith and the lens. A graduate of New York University Tisch School of the Arts, and an early pioneer in handheld 16mm documentary work, Rothman built a reputation in industry circles as a “fixer” capable of salvaging troubled edits and coaxing coherence from difficult subjects. Though highly respected, she was often deemed too principled for the standard television fluff of the era. It was Rothman’s unflinching eye that first brought her to Havilah. Following the harrowing abduction documented in the pilot episode, and particularly after her encounter with the imprisoned Watchers, Ellie evolved into the de facto conscience of Angel Academy.
67: If Ellie Rothman is the fiery conscience of the 1975 reboot, her husband Simon is its technical anchor. Played with understated warmth by Michael O’Neill, Simon serves as the show’s camera operator and special effects expert. The two met amid the grit of 1960s protest documentary filmmaking, forging a partnership rooted in shared principles. But Simon has always been more naturally inclined toward faith. Simon’s role on 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 is perhaps the most demanding on the set. Tasked with masking genuine supernatural activity, he is forced to use his considerable expertise to make the miraculous appear mundane. To protect the Academy’s secrets, Simon employs a technique he calls “reverse verisimilitude.” He deliberately introduces the hallmarks of 1970s television artifice to mask reality. He insists on attaching visible wires to the angels’ wings and forces them to recreate their flights against poorly lit blue screens, ensuring the resulting Chroma key fringe looks sufficiently fake to the average viewer.
68: Rounding out Ellie Rothman’s core crew is a Kuwapi man called Wiiya Wiiya (Coyote Cub) Redstar, who was known in the original series by the name El Roi (“God sees me”), bestowed upon him by Hagar in Genesis 16. He eventually adopted the everyday nickname of Elroy. He played saxophone for the Havilah Harmonics and later played lead guitar for the 60s “ski rock” band Miss Goodmile. In the 1975 revival, Elroy served as the production’s sound man. He was an IATSE member in good standing who worked at scale and was rarely seen without a boom mic in hand. Sometimes the microphone drifted into the shot, but Simon usually just rolled with it and it ended up on the final cut, fodder for college dorm drinking games. Elroy is legendary in underground production circles for his uncanny ability to capture perfect “room tone” in even the most acoustically impossible locations. He is a master of capturing the set’s atmosphere, which he often heralds with a single raised finger and a quiet, “Let the silence work, bro.”
69: If Angel Academy is a window into the divine, Special Agent in Charge Claude Colson is the man trying to draw the blinds. The head of the FBI’s project DECON (Domestic Enemies Containment, Observation, and Neutralization), Colson has been the Academy’s perpetual gadfly since 1942. He is the human embodiment of the security state’s response to the miraculous, a man who views the sudden incursion of “the Other” not as a blessing, but as a contagion. In his own words, DECON is merely the “antibodies the human species has spontaneously thrown up” to defend its carefully constructed reality. Colson’s presence is as unnerving as it is consistent. He is defined by a series of unsettling anomalies: he wears gray suits that remain impossibly dry even in a downpour, and still carries a briefcase that appeared outdated even in 1949. When challenged, he quotes obscure federal statutes and ancient religious texts with equal fluency, hinting at an intellectual background far beyond standard FBI training.
6A: What unnerves the Rothman crew is that Colson is no skeptic. Unlike the traditional rationalist, he acts with the weary, bureaucratic hostility of someone who knows the angels are real and simply disapproves of their presence. When Simon Rothman once mockingly asked if he worked for the Vatican, the NSA, or “Heaven’s HR Department,” Colson offered a raised eyebrow and a chilling clarification of his standing orders: to monitor “anomalous content.” Pointing to a frame of glowing wings in the middle of ChromaKey compositing, he noted with dry finality that 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 remains “the most anomalous content on network television.” As 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 transitioned into the 1970s revival, its sonic identity also underwent a transformation. Responsibility for this evolution fell largely to Elroy Redstar and his band, Ragnarock. Originally a glam rock outfit, Ragnarock drifted seamlessly into punk and New Wave as the series progressed, providing the jagged, energetic backdrop for the reboot’s most pivotal moments.
6B: Ragnarock tracks frequently served as the soundtrack for the show’s signature montage endings, bridging the gap between the Academy’s metaphysical drama and the gritty reality of the 1970s. In the show’s second season, the production replaced its traditional opening with the Ragnarock original “Veilburner.” The track was a sonic departure for television themes of the era, featuring Elroy’s own haunting saxophone lines, a modern, brassy echo of traditional heraldry, cutting through swirling synthesizer pads and a sharp, jagged guitar riff. The lyrics, cryptic and emotionally charged, spoke of tearing away illusions, confronting hidden truths, and crossing thresholds never meant to be crossed. While “Veilburner” achieved only modest commercial success (peaking at #53 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the summer of 1976), it secured a permanent place in the era’s cult zeitgeist. Among the show’s dedicated fanbase, the track became a legendary artifact.
6C: Despite its willingness to play fast and loose with traditional lore, 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 was very careful in depicting Jesus Christ and steered clear of God the Father altogether. For Bishop Charles Kendall (having been elevated from Monsignor as the decades passed), this omission was far more than a simple matter of broadcasting standards; it was the key to understanding the show’s flawed cosmology. Kendall concluded that the program’s celestial faculty viewed Earth’s history as their own ongoing, collaborative masterpiece, while leaving the rigid laws of physics and the ultimate governance of the universe to a distant Creator. The angels of Angel Academy did not expect God to constantly intervene in human affairs (though they conceded it occasionally happened) and messages from the Almighty seemed to filter down through impenetrable layers of bureaucracy. On his program 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! Kendall frequently argued that this worldview bordered on a kind of deism, effectively separating the Creator from His creation.
6D: In 1979, ABC moved 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 to the notoriously difficult Saturday night 8:00 PM time slot. The dense, philosophical drama struggled to compete against the era’s lighter, more action-oriented fare, consistently losing ground to hit shows on rival networks such as 𝘊𝘏𝘪𝘗𝘴, 𝘉𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘙𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 25𝘵𝘩 𝘊𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘺, and the popular comedy 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘝𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘗𝘛𝘈. Seeking to cut its losses, ABC sold the struggling series to NBC in early 1982, clearing the Saturday time slot for the debut of 𝘛.𝘑. 𝘏𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘳. However, the transition was anything but smooth. During negotiations, NBC executives were reportedly astonished to discover that the show’s “sets” and equipment were not included in the sale. The network had assumed they were purchasing a complete, standard studio setup. Instead, they were shocked to learn that the iconic Academy courtyard, Vretiel’s cavernous lecture hall, and Mikaela’s imposing office were actual locations (retrofitted from a Los Angeles yeshiva) that were merely leased by the production.
6E: Without the infrastructure that defined the show’s unique look, NBC was forced to scramble. The network awkwardly aired the remaining episodes following 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘝𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘗𝘛𝘈 in the spring of 1982, and burned off six final episodes in June and July after the comedy concluded its run. The erratic scheduling proved fatal. Viewers, already fatigued by the show’s shifting timeslots, simply tired of trying to hunt down their once-favorite program. Consequently, NBC quietly pulled the plug. When the fall television season launched in 1982, the halls of the Angel Academy were, at last, truly silent. If syndication kept the series breathing in the 1980s, the dawn of the public internet in the 1990s gave 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 immortal life. As early adopters logged on, the show found a fervent new home among the sprawling text of Usenet newsgroups and the blinking HTML of rudimentary Geocities pages. Eventually, the fandom centralized around dedicated, fiercely intellectual message boards like 𝘎𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘖𝘧𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.𝘯𝘦𝘵.
6F: For a specific demographic of GenX nerds raised on Commodore 64s, dog-eared Tolkien paperbacks, and Velvet Underground bootleg cassettes 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 became a spiritual totem. It was a show that was strange, profound, occasionally ridiculous, and unmistakably theirs. This groundswell of digital evangelism ultimately proved to the industry that a viable market still existed. In 2003, boutique distributor Shout! Factory acquired the rights and released the long-awaited complete DVD box set. They were packaged with restored footage and marketed with a brilliant, era-defining tagline: “𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴.” The collection sold surprisingly well, cementing the show’s legacy not just as a television anomaly, but as a foundational text of modern cult media. Though its presence slowly faded from pop culture’s main stage as the new millennium progressed, 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 never entirely died; it merely went underground.
6G: Still, the fanbase was undeniably aging. The second generation of viewers who discovered the show’s profound oddities in collegiate dorm lounges were now entering their fifties and sixties. For them, the memory of the series was less about the plot and more about the quiet elegy of having found something genuinely strange and wise long before the Internet knew everything. In the 2010s, a recurring joke on the remaining message boards insisted that fans weren’t simply dying off, they were instead “exiting Stage Left.” This was a reference to the show’s iconic visual of angels departing the show by train, disappearing into the white mist of the Dole impact basin and leaving behind only whispered regrets. By the 2020s, the Shout! Factory box sets had fallen out of print, and most of the foundational fan websites returned cold 404 errors. Now the show’s survival rested entirely in the hands of a few dedicated digital archivists who maintained seeded torrents of old interviews and DVD commentary tracks.
6H: The General Materials run of 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 unfolded as a historical chronicle. Each episode advanced the chronology of the outside world by one year, beginning in 1866, even as the town of Havilah evolved from a frontier settlement of sodbusters into a truly liminal space, unmoored in time and almost completely isolated from the outside world. The first season consisted of two nine-episode runs: the initial autumn broadcast block aired from September 3 through November 26, 1949, while a second block followed from February 4 through May 27, 1950. GenMat lacked a sufficient library of filmed material to sustain year-round rebroadcasts. During the summer and winter hiatuses, the Saturday evening slot was backfilled by kinescope recordings of lectures hosted by the show’s erstwhile opponent, Fr. Kendall, reinforcing the odd link between the two shows. These twenty kinescopes were ultimately the only 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢! episodes to survive intact and later became the basis of the DVD archival releases.
6I: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 1, September 3, 1949: In 1866 Chief Takoda and his wife Yuha ride toward the sprawling grasslands. Along the way, Takoda recounts the legend of White Buffalo Calf Woman, who once restored the dying herds and brought the sacred pipe to the People. At a newly erected barbed wire fence, they meet two strangers waiting on the prairie: Raphael Haivri and her sister Ariel. A small bison herd stands trapped, one bleeding badly where it has become tangled in the vicious new iron wire. Takoda unlimbers Shahar Haruach and uses its power to slice the wire. Raphael steps forward, healing the beast’s torn flesh with a mere touch. Ariel leads the herd through the breach to freedom. She turns to Takoda and produces a sacred pipe. In a moment of quiet revelation, Takoda understands: Ariel herself is White Buffalo Calf Woman. She confirms it, but her eyes are heavy with sorrow. Raphael can heal flesh, but she warns them House Haivri cannot halt the new plague of barbed wire closing the West.
6J: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 2, September 10, 1949: Elroy’s career of service spans millennia. He was the on-site caterer when Isda baked angel food cake for the wandering Israelites, a dish that tasted divine the first day but provoked curses after forty years of nothing else. He supplied Yeshua with his first meal in days after the Accuser took three runs at him. Yeshua asked Elroy why he used the bag. Elroy demonstrated how his hand vanished at the wrist into a space-time pocket to fetch water, and Yeshua agreed the bag was a good idea. Later Elroy provided five thousand box lunches of bread and pickled fish. In 1868 Havilah, this deathless caterer brings comfort as the Stiffnecks mourn their first loss. Last Rites are held at the newly constructed Temple. Elroy moves through the grieving congregation, handing out an endless bounty of impossibly fresh, warm rolls from his velvet satchel. In the timeless fog beneath the Island in the Sky, the hands of the angels continue to feed the stubborn faithful.
6K: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 3, September 17, 1949: In 1868 the CSA celebrates five years since winning the war. Mikaela authorizes a “Prank.” Students from the Academy’s compound in Missouri board a spectral locomotive, traveling to the bloody height of 1862. Their target: a Confederate adjutant general who kept a duplicate copy of Special Order 191 as a memento, preventing its historical loss. The angels steal Lee’s dispatch from his home, but they must plant it where Union soldiers will find it naturally, without suspecting a 𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘦. Remiel suggests wrapping the stolen orders around three of Dumah’s precious Cuban cigars, tying them with string, and dropping the bait in the smoking ruins of D.H. Hill’s abandoned camp. “The cigars will draw their eyes,” Remiel explains coldly as the temporal train prepares to depart and she sees the timeline settle into a brutal new channel. “The war will stretch on for years longer this time, and cost thousands more lives. But ultimately, the Union will win.”
6L: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 4, September 24, 1949: In 1869 Havilah, Gabriela conducted a marriage counseling session for a bickering couple by relating what happened when Joseph discovered Mary’s pregnancy and prepared to call off the wedding. Gabriela intervened in that case too, sitting both of them down in a dusty Nazareth workshop for a blunt lecture on the “facts of divine life.” Gabriela offered Mary of Nazareth a soul-binding contract and explained the benefits of the Theotokos appointment while Mary asked sharp questions about the non-disclosure stipulation. Gabriela assured her that while the “Way” did involve a lot of walking, the retirement plan in the afterlife was top-tier. She added that Joseph’s carpentry skills would soon be secondary to providing celestial security on a contract basis. Joseph just wanted to know if he was still the father of record. Gabriela told him, “Frankly, ‘Heavenly Father’ is more of a title than anything biological.” Mary went ahead and signed the contract.
6M: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 5, October 29, 1949: In 1870 a railroad spur finally penetrates the ring of hills enveloping Havilah, curving on a narrow shelf along the river in a self-merging terminal loop. To the confusion of the local Stiffnecks the first locomotive is not a soot-belching steamer but a sleek bullet express with self-leveling, banking cars. It arrives on no discernible schedule, with only its wheels making any sound, debouching passengers attending a funeral for a man whose grandfather isn’t even born yet. Mikaela mutters, “Tsk tsk.” Vretiel asks her, “What do you think, Mikki? Twenty-one or Twenty-two?” Mikaela takes a longer look and pronounces, “Early-mid Twenty-first,” inaugurating the only spectator sport that will ever exist in Havilah. The conductor’s featherless bat-wings lie folded under a high-visibility vest, ticket punch in her hand, ready to demand fare from departing passengers. Mikaela asks, “Why have you now come, Karen?” She replies, “I would speak to the manager.”
6N: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 6, November 5, 1949: In 1871 Dr. Reginald Dole finds a colored piece of natural glass outside Havilah, already shaped into a monocle. He puts it to his eye and peruses a map he’s making. He rolls into Havilah pitching geological salvation. Armed with a brass theodolite, Dole ascends the “Island in the Sky,” surveys the town, and cheerfully informs the angels their mystical home is merely a meteor crater, with Migdalel Butte a rare splashback central peak. He estimates it is 1.3 million years old. One of the Stiffnecks scoffs; he’s tallied the kings and patriarchs in scripture and pegged creation at 4,163 BC. Dole sinks a test shaft and taps a massive natural gas reserve. With theatrical flair, he flicks a match into the hole, birthing a permanent “flaming geyser.” Dole pitches the supply of gas as the ultimate civic utility, capable of running heavy pumps to draw limitless water from the Ogallala aquifer. Dumah uses the roaring column of fire to light one of his Cubans.
6O: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 7, November 12, 1949: As a girl preparing to embark on the Oregon Trail in 1865, Linda Bergin discovered that oxen sometimes did not turn at the touch of a pole. They were called “stiff of neck,” which explained why scripture referred to the Israelites as a stiff-necked people. But Lailah said such stubbornness was really a good thing if one wished to move toward a single goal without turning to one side or the other. So Linda took to calling all the pilgrims “Stiffnecks,” and it quickly caught on as a self-deprecating moniker. In 1872 Lailah gave the same young Linda an angelic pre-wedding gift: The Blades of Many Colors, ten in all. “One for each color the wings of angels are known to have,” she said. “And potentially one for each finger she could lose mishandling them in the slightest,” warned Vretiel, as the stiff blades were invisible to the eye when seen edge-on. Vretiel set one point-down upon an oak table and it sank under its own weight as though immersed in water.
6P: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 8, November 19, 1949: In an 1873 lecture Professor Vretiel framed the Mount Carmel incident as a theatrical collision that spiraled into debacle. Vretiel insisted Jezebel was not wicked, but rather a glamorous celebrity in the mold of Sarah Bernhardt, whose grand festivals devoted to Asherah were drawing frenzied crowds throughout the Levant. Elisha, adopting the fiery persona of “Elijah,” challenged her priests to what was intended as a dramatic public contest of divine favor. Uriel handled the spectacle itself, employing his gifts to instantaneously consume Elijah’s water-soaked altar in a pillar of flame. The display spurred the crowd into a furore of Yahwist zeal that transformed into a riot, making an end to Jezebel’s priests, musicians, and attendants alike. Elisha, horrified by the carnage his demonstration had unleashed, withdrew into seclusion. Then by degrees he orchestrated a sweeping historic revision, recasting the once-beloved Jezebel as a monstrous corrupter.
6Q: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 9, November 26, 1949: Havilah’s annual barn dance descends into chaos when Ariel arrives. Her body naturally radiates airborne molecules that light up the reward centers of beasts…and men. A flashback reveals the truth behind the notched sticks Jacob placed to segregate the animals. Ariel didn’t just calm the ringstraked and speckled cattle, her aura left Laban and his shepherds too euphoric to notice she was subtly stacking the deck in Jacob’s favor. The marked sticks were merely a visual aid labeling the breeding lines so Jacob and Ariel could selectively pair them. In 1874 Ariel’s pheromones caused the town council to follow her around like lovesick puppies. Dumah silently watched the absurd parade and blew cigar smoke to disperse Ariel’s localized pheromone cloud, breaking the spell. Dumah, completely immune to the effect, silently herded the dazed politicians back into the town hall using a marked wooden stick, mocking the Torah scribes’ misunderstanding of genetics.
6R: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 10, February 4, 1950: God said, “Grant unto me one of the high kindred of Kemen, even one of a venturous spirit.” And the Red Dragon answered, “And what purpose wilt thou make of such a one?” And God said, “I will set apart a people unto myself upon the Earth, yet I shall not speak unto them from day to day as thou hast done among thine own in Kemen. But once in each year will I make a visible sign unto a single priest, whether it be for a blessing or for a curse.” Thus was the covenant attested between God and Azul to assay mankind. And after much time it came to pass, when Lailah smote the Red Dragon and brought him low, the still-living head of the avatar of Azul said, “Take now thy son, thine only son Yishak, whom thou lovest, and send him to Canaan, there to become the high priest of El Elyon.” And Lailah was struck to the heart, and sought succor in the countenance of Uriel, who also grieved for his son, but the covenant was fixed from of old, and he could do nothing.
6S: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 11, February 11, 1950: God bumps into Adamu and Hava in the garden and asks, “Why are you two wearing clothes?” Adamu shrugs and says, “Because we were naked.” “Who told you that?” Adamu and Hava have no answer. God accuses them of eating the forbidden fruit. Adamu says, “Hava put the fruit in with a bunch of other fruit and I ate it. It wasn’t my fault! Besides, you’re the one who made this thing and gave it to me. I didn’t even ask for a partner, let alone a broken one!” Hava’s defense is more methodical. “You said it was poison. Snake said it was brain food. So I ran human trials and used Adamu as a control group to rule out sex-based differences. It turns out the fruit really is brain food, just as Snake claimed. Now I admit the error bars are pretty large, but that’s how statistics work with small sample sizes.” God tells Adamu, “You eat whatever is put in front of your face, but now you’re going to work for a living. And you, Hava, you won’t be running things anymore.”
6T: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 12, February 18, 1950: In the year 1877 Dr. Reginald Dole attempts to measure the depth of the fissures created by the impact that formed Dole crater by lowering a phonograph cylinder to record sound echoes. He discovers he has inadvertently recorded voices speaking in an unknown language. Professor Mikaela takes Dr. Dole to an underground prison where thirty Watchers are still bound in chains that once held over two hundred of them. They are imprisoned until the Elohim who still possess them against their will depart to the Pleroma. Foremost among them, says Mikaela, is Shamyaza, who despises that name and insists on being called Ouza. Mikaela says, “Our beloved Ouza is who we want back. But we’re very patient. It’s been forty centuries now, and so many of your followers have already been swayed. But Shamyaza, I know you and your inner circle were always the stubborn ones.” Dr. Dole, proud evangelist of all things rational, departs Havilah with all haste and never returns.
6U: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 13, February 25, 1950: After the water situation was settled came the first test of arms for the Israelites, in the form of an attack by the Amalekites. Joshua was chosen by Moses to lead men into battle against them, while he stood on a hill with the rod of God in his hand. When Moses held up his hand, then Israel prevailed. But when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. And when Moses grew tired, Aaron and Hur held up his arms for him, until Amalek was defeated. God told Moses to write in a book that he would “utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven,” which Moses promptly did. Then Moses built an altar to God and dedicated it by saying, “Because the LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation,” which contradicted what God just told him, that he would wipe the remembrance of Amalek from the annals of the Earth. Professor Vretiel concluded, “We know all this because Exodus is part of the annals of the Earth!”
6V: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 14, March 4, 1950: Abraham went on a road trip and did the “Sarah is my sister” schtick again. But instead of Pharaoh, this time it was the king of Gerar who took Sarah into his household. Soon after, Gabriela appeared unto him with wings deployed and said, “King, you are a dead man. Sarah is the wife of another man.” And King Abimelech said, “I never touched her, and besides, that old fellow told me she was only his sister, and she even went along with it. I’m innocent, I tell you! Besides, she’s a hundred years old if she’s a day!” And Gabriela said unto him, “Yes, I know you acted in innocence. That is why I am here now saying: do not touch her. So restore the man his wife, for he is a prophet, though he likes to play this wife-sister joke every twenty years or so.” When Abimelech gave Sarah back to Abraham he had some hard questions, but Abraham answered, “She really is my half-sister, the daughter of my father but not the daughter of my mother. That would be immoral!”
6W: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 15, May 6, 1950: One time some Stiffneck believers took a Kuwapi youth named Mahkah aside and told him God himself came down and dwelt in a “tabernacle of clay.” When he was thirty, he began to work miracles, but he was scourged and crucified because men thought he had a devil. But on the third day he rose from the dead and took his place as the judge of the world. His blood will atone for the sins of everyone who fell through the sin of Adam and died not knowing the will of God concerning them. But woe to those who know the will of God and still die in their sins, because salvation only comes to them if they repent. “Do you understand all these teachings?” And Mahkah said, “I think I do. So the best plan is I should close my ears to the will of God, because then I’ll die in ignorance and be saved under Plan A, while Plan B requires me to openly renounce sin.” And one of the Stiffnecks grew angry and said, “Now you listen here, you little fool!” But Mahkah had heard enough.
6X: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 16, May 13, 1950: Act one. In the time of the Patriarchs, King Abimelech and Abraham Haivri made peace. Abraham agreed to treat Abimelech honorably unto the third generation. Abimelech agreed that Abraham had dug the well at Beersheba with a shovel held in his own hands, and therefore formally restored it to him. End act one. Act two jumps thousands of years and across the Atlantic, seeming at first to be a complete non sequitur. George Washington, the nation’s first president, makes a side trip all the way to the Black Hills years before Lewis and Clark ever paddled up the Missouri. There Washington concludes a treaty with the great-grandfather of Sitting Bull and agrees to treat him honorably unto the third generation. President Washington then receives formal recognition for a gold claim which Sitting Bull’s ancestor acknowledges President Washington dug with a shovel held in his own hands. Point made. Episode ends. This installment was immediately banned in Israel.
6Y: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 17, May 20, 1950: A local Havilah resident named Erwin Zinter has somehow passed every Compliance Prank for a decade, demonstrating a persevering habit of righteousness even when nobody is looking. This brings him to the attention of the Academy. In 1882 the angels dispatch a squad of ninth-year ishim to stage a spectacular multi-carriage pileup in front of the man’s farm. Erwin calmly spends eighteen hours repairing the strangers’ wheels and healing their “injured” horses using nothing but common sense and a gentle touch. Mikaela attempts to recruit him with a teaching position, but the man politely declines, saying he has a corn crop to finish bringing in. Besides, he says, the whole point of abounding in graciousness is that it should be self-replicating, a shining city on a hill that inspires others to respond in kind, not something stored away and dispensed by custodians according to perceived merit. The Academy can do nothing with Erwin but simmer in frustrated awe.
6Z: 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘺 season 1 episode 18, May 27, 1950: The Eloh named Isra’El took possession of a winged lan from Elendal named Chemah to perform a compliance audit. When he crossed over to Earth, Isra’El took little thought for his personal safety. Yahweh assured him Ya’akov ha’Ivri was more the son of his mother than the son of his father, a man who preferred the womanly arts of whispering and plotting to direct action on the hunt or field of battle. On the banks of the river Yarden there ensued a fist fight that became an all-night wrestling match. At one point Isra’El ripped the man’s raiment and saw Avram’s grandson bore the peculiar mutilation of males Azul had demanded in his bid to sabotage the experiment. So Ya’akov passed the audit, but there remained the matter of the struggle itself. Before the night was over Ya’akov won the epic match, taking the name of his assailant as his own and winning a blessing as well, as the price for letting the defeated nephiloth wriggle like a maggot back into Hell.

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